He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
