It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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