I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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