Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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