she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
