I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
