walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
