woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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