dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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