Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
