so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
