I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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