I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
