from now on my penis is your penis
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Randomize
