How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
