I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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