The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
