How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
