i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
