I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
