Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
