Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
