Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
