Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
