oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
