I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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