We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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