thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
