I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
