Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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