So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
