lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
