Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
