so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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