So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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