is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
