what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
