I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
