I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
