My hand turned me down
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
