I wish I only lived at night.
Say something about gay babies.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
