I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
