it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
