I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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