No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Then you guys just all showered together...?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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