They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
