careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
