And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
