me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
