why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
