I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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