If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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