did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
