Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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